I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
