omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
