Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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