Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
