watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
