We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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