i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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