I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
