Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
