found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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