apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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