I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
