i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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