Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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