That's intense
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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