I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize