We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
