The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
