WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.