My first STD was from a foam party
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
