I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.