Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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