Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
