i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
