It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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