im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
