I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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