His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
