her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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