Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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