You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize