Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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