I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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