me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
