Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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