went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
