she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
