Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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