A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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