she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
