her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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