my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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