I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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