so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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