i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
