Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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