who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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