Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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