the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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