Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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