Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
