Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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