I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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