He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
