he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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