the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
